new years resolu- wait. what glove?

so no time like the present to figure out what my new years resolutions are going to be. The Bloggess wrote a hysterical piece here http://thebloggess.com/2011/01/my-new-years-resolution-is-to-get-you-to-stop-asking-me-about-my-new-years-resolutions/ that i will never even come close to topping, but then again- maybe i'll make one of my resolutions to try to be even wittier than she is and then BAM!, i'll get to scratch something off of my list. or maybe i'll make my resolution list chock full of super easy things to do, and that way i can red pen something every single day and it'll make me feel like i'm really on the fast track to self-improvement.

my list would look something like this:

1. don't put eyeliner on the dog
2. breathe
3. accept the fact that this year is going to be chock full of crazy changes, but it's nothing a little online shoe perusing can't help me get through
4. write camille grammer and her rabid crazy friend allison dubois and ask them over here for dinner. that should be a good time. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B1Gqdexq62o&feature=related
5. create an Ikea-to-English translation guide and post to http://www.babelfish.com/

or instead of an easy list of super attainable goals, i could just borrow someone else's list and take over their resolutions. let's take O.J. Simpson for example.

O.J.'s list might look something like this:

1. get out of jail
2. stay out of jail
3. don't kill anyone (else)
4. find out how to collect on my bobblehead
5. don't get shanked

completely doable!

or lastly, i could really mix things up and put them together:

1. don't put eyeliner on camille grammer. or O.J. Simpson.
2. don't get shanked at Ikea
3. collect on allison dubois bobblehead

i think we have a winner, folks!

i would ask now if you have any resolutions of your own, but i still don't think i've fixed the comments tab on this crazy blog, so you'll just have to think really hard about what it is you want me to know and maybe somehow i'll get it like that Medium chick does. i'll work on that.